Humor thread

Summary:

A place for your programming jokes!

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Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 11:58

The C language combines all the power of assembly language with all the ease-of-use of assembly language.

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

rbwhitaker 04 Mar 2015 04:27

Java combines the elegant simplicity of C with the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:03

A programmer started to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As she lay there in bed
Looping 'round in her head
was:
while(!asleep()) sheep++

in the comments, in this case, the funny part
I think it's better with: while(!asleep()) ++sheep

Courtesy of http://xkcd.com/571

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Last edited on 28 Aug 2014 12:05 by PiscesMike Show more

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:09

Q: how many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: none, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone "this behavior is by design"

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:12

I think this one sums up my programming style:

Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer

• Specifications are for the weak and timid!
• You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
• Indentation? I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
• What is this talk of release? Klingons do not release software. Our software escapes leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
• Klingon function calls do not have parameters - they have arguments - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
• Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
• A True Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code!
• Klingon software does not have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
• You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
• Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:43

It's been said that if you play a windows CD backwards, you'll hear satanic chanting…worse still if you play it forwards, it installs windows.

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:50

Windows is…

a 64 bit rewrite of

a 32 bit extension to

a 16 bit api to

an 8 bit kernel for

a 4 bit microprocessor by

a 2 bit company that can't stand

1 bit of competition.

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

PiscesMike 28 Aug 2014 12:54

Three programmers go into a bar and sit down at a table. The first programmer holds up two fingers and says "Three beers"

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"May the mercy of His Divine Shadow fall upon you." - Stanley H. Tweedle, Security Guard class IV, The League of 20,000 planets

Re: Humor thread

Emblis 01 Sep 2014 19:43

*knock knock*
Race Condition.
Who is there?

Re: Humor thread

Marcus42 02 Sep 2014 23:29

Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yes.

Re: Humor thread

Emblis 05 Sep 2014 18:53

It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.

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